Strange Sugar
by TheOtherMaddHatter
Summary: Batman really had no idea how to categorize this incident, but he was fairly sure that the word "strange" didn't even begin to start covering it...though it rarely does when Jonathan Crane is involved. But sugar? Dedicated to Lauralot.


**This is for Lauralot, who asked for a story where Jonathan was shown on a sugar high, as theorized about in my last fanfiction story _Dope_. Honey, I hope this is what you had in mind.  
**

**Also, if you are a reader of _Giving Up Spring_, know that I am almost done with the final chapter and will be announcing the start of my next project soon. I don't know if I'll have it done before finals week next week, but it most certainly will be up in the direct amount of time right after next weekend when I move back home.**

**I do not own any of the characters, the setting, or even the music. They all have their respective owners. I, however, did mutilate them in my own sadistic way to get pleasure from it via this. I regret nothing...**

**Enjoy! **

**

* * *

**

The Scarecrow had always been strange, and oddly terrifying, even for him.

The Scarecrow had always been unstable, even when out of costume.

The Scarecrow was always un-nerving and odd.

The Scarecrow was…apparently, not home.

But Jonathan Crane was, and he was acting _weird_.

Though that statement in itself shouldn't have been as off-setting as it was to him, since Crane was "weird" by a normal person's standard anyways, the man watching the scene before him couldn't help but be a little of the aforementioned word. No, it was even more off-setting then it should be since it was, in fact, the Batman who was considering the situation before him. And Jonathan Crane, Master of Fear, Lord of Despair, All-Knowing, Mr. High-and-Mighty, was acting _weird_.

He really wasn't sure how else to put it.

And it wasn't because he didn't have the vocabulary for it. Regardless of his classical schooling, or lack of therefore, and bubbly, playboy appearance, he was rather intelligent. It was just that, right now, at this sight, his intelligence didn't know what to do with the incoming stimuli provided by the crazed doctor before him. The Batman portion of his brain didn't know how to answer to this stimulation either, regardless of how hard he tried to. (The thought of mental smoke rolling out of his ears at the moment would have been an accurate description.)

And it was all because of what Jonathan Crane was doing.

Or, better yet, what he _wasn't_ doing.

So he'd tried on several occasions to get the clearly distracted ex-doctor to look at him before now, before stepping back to look at the situation carefully, without any success whatsoever. He could attribute that to a lot of things, now that he looked at it, but all of the things he'd attribute to would never…fit Jonathan Crane. Would never fit what mental picture he'd created for the oddly removed ex-medical official.

In short, this behavior was giving even _him_ the creeps.

The Scarecrow had done it again.

This time, without that damn Fear Toxin and its ilk.

And that meant that whatever he was seeing wasn't a hallucination.

It was real, everything the man was doing was real, and it was putting Bruce off even more with every passing second. His Batman persona had failed him the moment he walked into the open shop door of the broken into building, it had slipped away along with all sense about him as he watched what the man was doing before him. Had anyone else saw the picture; they might have actually gotten partially sober and made a self-motivated trip to Arkham to sign themselves up for a recovery program. Even he was pretty sure that his brain was broken or that something, somewhere in the universe was horribly, terribly wrong.

Crane was known for occupying warehouses in the shipping district, since most of his chemicals for the fear compound had to be imported, and Batman knew it. Crane was known for occupying places that most normal human beings would never touch since their own fight-or-flight mechanism was strong enough to tell them that living in such a place was beyond stupid. Crane was known for…well, not this. Certainly not this. Other things, yes, but this, no.

And Bruce, regardless of what he dressed up as at night to fight crime, was not prepared for the sight of Jonathan Crane dressed in a pink tutu over his normal suit attire, his normal Scarecrow make-up done way to much (He was sure that the Joker had to be involved somewhere, since it had evolved from the normal blackened eyes through the holes to full fledge make-up, complete with lipstick), robbing a children's candy store warehouse in the presence of two large laughing hyenas.

He'd never be able to look at The Candy Station the same way after this.

But the way Jonathan Crane was acting…

It only made it that much worse.

And finally, the man noticed him as he bustled by, arms full of what looked like jawbreakers and a few feet of pulled, salt-water taffy in some odd shades of purple and green, bags of other candy making crackling noises as he walked. It wasn't so much the lack of attention that first alerted Batman, though when he finally did seem to notice he had the Batman's full aghast attention his face lit up in a way that even the Batman couldn't describe, that bothered him, and it was the actions taken when he finally was noticed. The loud, grating shout that was directed at him –apparently his name- complete with hands on physical contact that could only be called an excited gesture of…hand holding.

Yes, Bruce was absolutely positive that the Joker had to have _something_ to do with this.

Jonathan Crane just didn't touch anybody…nor did he smile.

And right now, he was doing both…to the Batman.

And offering him a pixie stick along with two things of taffy.

"Crane, are you…" How to put this? Batman had to wonder. "…okay?"

"What? Who, me? Yeah! I couldn't _be_ better, since, you know…" He talked fast, so fast towards the end, that Bruce didn't catch the gist of most of what he said after he was fine. He was certain that the man said something having to do with ties and a lack of matching socks. "Jay says he likes you, and I can sort of see why now. You're fun! Do you like chocolate or taffy, since I didn't know what to get you, and Jay is really easy and--"

The Batman stopped dead…as did the rotation of the world about them.

Jonathan Crane had just called him fun.

Something was seriously, seriously wrong.

And he had a feeling it was because of 'Jay.'

"Crane, I need you to tell me what the Joker did to you, to make you like this. You don't normally act this way, and even if you do hate me, I am concerned for your well-being." _Whether you like it or not_, he added silently. Jonathan stopped to turn and regard him for the first time, blue eyes wide and confused and starring up at him like a child would to a parent. "Crane, what did he do?"

"Am I…Am I in trouble?" He asked suddenly, after a few tense minutes of silence. "Cause I don't think I did anything wrong this time, though that stunt at the zoo was a bit fun, but Jay said it was okay that we did it and I didn't really mean to do that one thing with the tiger cage and…"

So Crane and the Joker had been the ones to let out almost half the Gotham Zoo and steal a pair of hyenas, no wonder they were here with him now.

That sort of worked out now, in Bruce's head.

It made sense, which should have been the line-drawing point right there.

The Joker and Crane actually making sense.

"Yes, Crane, you are in trouble, but I need to know what happened to you, and just where the Joker went." He tried again, since Crane seemed to have a focusing problem all of a sudden. "And what you did too the hyenas."

Jonathan Crane snickered before continuing to pull him deep within the candy store house.

"I didn't do anything! But they sure do seem to love sweet-tarts and cotton candy!"

It was going to be a long, long night.

The Joker was content with sitting on the couch to read the paper now, after all of that built up chaos had been let out of his system a few hours ago. He and Jonny Boy had had a good time going to the zoo, and doing other things too, before he sent the no-fun man off into Gotham on his own…on a raging sugar high.

He had to stop and snicker to himself at that one.

It had taken a good deal of planning on his part, and took nearly an act of god to get him to ingest the substance that would send him into something the Joker knew to be a good time. But, when he'd succeeded to get the Crow and Jonny to drink the first glass of lemonade he'd made (laced with large amounts of sugar and powdered caffeine), he knew it was only going to get funnier from there on out.

And he most certainly hadn't been disappointed.

The pixie sticks had been only an added bonus later.

He really did love the zoo.

And, in retrospect, he loved his Batsy even more…speaking of which, the man was standing in the doorway now.

"Joker…" He said, his voice deep and low, but not holding that certain edge that the Joker loved so much. Oh well, he'd just have to put it there himself.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…Bat." He said, folding his paper back up and setting it on the couch before standing up slowly, which was odd. Normally the Bat would have driven him into the wall behind him now, not stand there as if he was waiting for him. "Everything, uh, go alright, sweet heart? Yah don't seem your, uh, _normal_ self."

The Batman just continued to frown, a light growl emitting from his throat.

"Let's just say that nothing has been _normal_ tonight, Joker." And then, from out of his concealing cape, he dropped a few wrapped candies onto the floor where he knew the Joker could see them. The clown blinked then smirked, the grin widening till it was the same leer as it normally was. "Your handiwork?"

The Joker couldn't' stop laughing as he was drug back to Arkham.

* * *

**The Joker has hyenas in the comic series, and this would be how they were first introduced to me in this universe, since in the comic series he got the hyenas while going after a painting in the roof of their cage during a fight with the Scarecrow. (He was using Scary's Fear Toxin as a detour and blaming his actions on Scarecrow.) **


End file.
